Twisted Lives
by Serenity Reigns
Summary: Playing around with the Naruto char. is fun especially when: Temari has Shukaku, Sai is a deranged artist, Minato is Kazekage, Gaara and Naruto are twins, Kakashi is father of Shino a popular singer and Orochimaru is Lord of the Frogs. Complete for now.
1. Blowing up the Insane

Chapter 1 of Twisted Lives

Temari was on top of the kazekage's building in Sunagakure with her eyes closed and while it may look like she was sleeping it was not so. She was contemplating her life and wondering what her father was doing in the building below that was causing so much ruckus. She could hear his voice shouting at what sounded like two voices below.

Her father was a peaceful man by the name of Minato Namikaze. Him raising his voice was very rare and so she knew that whoever had him angry probably deserved it. Then she recognized the voice that was shouting back at him and she smiled. It was her two brothers. Gaara and Naruto Namikaze.

The two twins got into endless sort of trouble and while she was the older sister there was rarely anything she could do to stop them. She pondered what they had done this time.

**Your senses really are slow aren't they? Look about .5 miles southeast.**

What are you talking about Shukaku? I don't see any- oh.

Temari had listened to her demon and look in that direction. About .5 miles from here was what use to be a building.

"Did I sleep through that?"

**I was awake at the time, but yes you did. But still are you sure you're not sick or something? The explosion was pretty loud.**

Temari ignore Shukaku and looked at the destruction that her brothers had wrought.

"God, they really went all out didn't they."

**Luckily no one was hurt or your father and brothers would be having an entirely different conversation.**

Again Temari ignored the demon and shook her blond hair out of her face and started putting it up in four ponytails. Then she got out her fan and went below.

"Your uncle is furious!!! What the hell did you think you would gain by blowing up his institution!! I knew you were irritated with him but were you really that angry!"

By now Minato was out of breath and the twins used this to their advantage to scream right back.

"We weren't angry!! If we had really been pissed then we would have blown it up with him inside it!!" Gaara shouted back.

"Yeah this was just a warning of what happens to those who insult our sister!" Naruto hollered back.

I had just entered to room and dad turned on me.

"Insulted?!"

I looked at him puzzled. "What?"

"What insult?"

"What insult are you talking about dad?"

"What your uncle said of course!"

"Dad, uncle avoids me like the plague."

"Yeah, but what did he say?"

"I don't know! I haven't talked to him in five years!"

Luckily Gaara and Naruto intervened.

"He said that Temari should go to his insane asylum, so we blew it up."

"I think that we had every right. Don't you?"

We were silent for a minute. I vaguely remembered my uncle but I did know that he hated me because of Shukaku. Although I didn't remember him having any insane asylum. While I thought about this Shukaku suddenly laughed.

**HA! I remember that idiot! He wanted to have you locked up for life because of me! I bet he opened that asylum just for you!**

I burst out laughing.

"Gaara, Naruto, all I have to say is that I wish I had seen that explosion."

They perked up and smiled. Minato on the other hand look exasperated. I felt bad for him considering that he would probably have to pay for the damage. My brothers also seemed to realize this so they quickly told him that they paid for someone else to blow up the building. Minato looked at them.

"Wait, where did you get the money to pay someone to do this? And who exactly agreed to help you"

"Uh-oh"

Needless to say that they ran like their lives depended on it.

End of chapter one.


	2. Exploding Ninjas

Chapter 2 of Twisted Lives

Minato was not the only person that was wondering where the twins got enough money to hire someone. The person in question that had been asked to blow up this particular building was wondering where they got the money to hire him as well.

For being on a vacation Deidara expected to make no cash. In fact, he had just been passing though Suna so he could visit Sasori and those two kids had offered him a deal he couldn't resist.

It had been fun too. Blowing things up was his passion and while other people might find that disturbing he found it quite enjoyable.

Deidara was flying on his bird back to his home in Iwa. He couldn't wait to get home and relax. This vacation had been fun but exhausting.

He fiddled with his Akatsuki ring and wondered when Leader would have another job for him. Sasori had told him that Leader had just taken over the village hidden in the rain and was ruling there as a God with Konan as his angel.

Deidara was hungry and finally out of the desert. He was traveling really fast. As soon as he reached Iwa he was going to get all his belongings, his sister, and then get out of there and go to the village of the rain.

He thought about his sister as he ate. She was the striking image of him even if he was only a year older. Ino had long blond hair like him and the only differences between them were their genders and the mouths on Deidara's hands.

Ino had a friend in the village hidden in the rain. While he tried to remember her name he got back on his bird and got ready to take off.

While on the back of his bird he fell into a deep fitful sleep.

"Of course he never got much sleep." Deidara fumed as he woke up to find a kunai three inches from his face.

There five ninjas following his bird. He wondered if he should flee of fight. They were fast but he could sense their chakra and there wasn't that much. He could defeat them. He put his hand into his clay pouch and created five birds.

"Bye"

He let the birds fly and then created a hand sign.

"Katsu"

The birds exploded and he herd screams.

"That's what you get for messing with me!" he shouted.

Then he laughed and turned his bird. He was back on course and those ninja were at the very least injured.

They had been very close and he had seen the blood. It was a nice red. Not like that sickening pink color.

Pink…Pink….Pink

"Oh!"

That was the girl's name. Ino's friend's name was Cherry Blossom or as most people know her

_Sakura._


	3. Falling House

Twisted Lives chapter 3

2145……2146……2157......

Sakura was not happy with the task that her father had given her. Counting money may be his passion but it was certainly not her's. She had already lost count over 10 times and that meant that time was wasting away.

I was obvious that her father was paranoid about making sure that none of his money was ever stolen. But, to Sakura counting one's money seven times a day was way too excessive.

At the moment her father, Kazuku, was probably stealing from that old rich coot Kisame who had, despite Kazuku thievery, remained rich. This was definitely because Kazuku had a very soft heart and while he loved money he usually felt so bad about the thievery that he would cry his eyes out at night and eventually return the money with interest.

She sighed and stuffed the rest of the money under the bed and walked out the door with a daze in her eyes. Soon she was out of the house and then in her head she started listing the groceries. Tobi, Ben, Hidan, Seth, Sasuke, Tim, Sasuke, Itachi, Pein…..oh wait he was already taken, Sasuke, Andrew, Peter, and Kiba was visiting to, Ino said that Deidara might come visit……then there's

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM KAAAABOOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sakura spun around and looked at what used to be her house. Flaming bits of money were swirling around and she all she could do was gape. Dad was not going to be happy.

Fire shone in her eyes. Death's door awaited anyone who messed with her dad's precious, glorious, and beautiful money.

Now who said that she didn't take after her father.

"Look Sakura! Your house is so much prettier in all those flames un!"

Sakura looked up and she saw Deidara sitting on a bird laughing with Ino right next to him.

But before she could kill them both on the spot her father arrived.

In a whirl of wind and a flash of cash Kazuku decapitated Deidara on the spot. But Deidara used a substitution jutsu and switched himself with a bag of money witch got torn in two letting all the money fall to the ground.

Kazuku dive-bombed into the cloud of dust and came up triumphant with money in his hands and teeth.

Sakura stared at her crazed father with a mixed look of embarrassment and fury.

They all stared at each other with a few uncomfortable minutes none of them willing to break the silence.

"Deidara. Did you blow up Kazuku and Sakura's home? Zabuza asked incredulously.

All four of them turned and saw Zabuza and his girlfriend Haku walking towards them with look of disbelief and confusion.

Ino broke the silence. Yeah. That's 'cause there was a fly and it wouldn't stop bothering us so Deidara threw a bomb and it and it well……to put it bluntly….he missed.

Deidara look flustered.

"I only laughed because my art just look so pretty and fun un!"

Fire shone in Kazuku's eyes but Sakura sensibly turned the subject towards Zabuza and Haku.

"What are you doing here?"

Zabuza looked partially embarrassed.

"Well my father Kisame is missing more money and he wondered if you had seen anything suspicious."

Kazuku looked like he was going to start crying on the spot. Sakura knew that they needed to get away before her father gave them away.

Luckily Haku cut in and said. "We can see that this isn't the time for it and we'll leave you alone for now."

Sakura sighed with relief. "Thank you Haku. We will get back to you on that. Ok?"

Haku smiled. "Of course"

Zabuza and Haku turn to leave and go home. They walk away holding hands and chatting about some unimportant thing.

Sakura then turns to deal with Ino and Deidara.

"Well you guys did blow up our house…."

She cracked her knuckles threateningly.

Some people on the sidelines heard the two siblings gulp.

Kazuku even trembled at his demonness daughter.

Already a mile away Haku and Zabuza still could hear their screams.

The two lovebirds shivered.


	4. Breaking the Wall

Chapter 4 of Twisted Lives.

Kisame sat on a bench in a beautiful garden sipping tea. The whole scene was peaceful, quiet, and tranquil. His eyes were closed, the sun was shining and --

SMASH!!!

Kisame sighed and opened his smaller than normal eyes. He looked over at a completely destroyed stone wall that separated the dining room from the garden.

The pile of stone moved and Kisame saw his son Zabuza get up and brush off the dust. "Haku came running in next but at least she didn't run into the wall," Kisame thought.

"Sorry father! I just was so startled by that madwoman for a minute that I came running in here and crashed right into the wall!"

"I can see that son. Now let's walk through this hole and try not to startle our guests while we're at it. Wait….madwoman…..

(At that time Haku conveniently ran in.)

…..you don't mean sweet Haku do you."

"Guests?" Zabuza asked looking very confused.

Zabuza looked inside the hole only to come face to face is the red–eyed Itachi Uchiha.

Needless to say that he was scared out of his mind and let out a very unmanly scream which came out very high pitched.

Kisame let out sigh and Itachi smiled. Zabuza shut his mouth quickly and let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, Itachi. It's only you."

"Yes it's me." The famous Uchiha glare made Zabuza look smaller and smaller until he looked like he was going to release another shriek.

"Itachi! I leave you alone for one minute and you can't stop scaring people out of their mind's."

Zabuza turned and looked into the coal black eyes of Sasuke Uchiha. But before he could do anything Kisame came right up to him and yanked on his ear.

"How dare you call your beautiful girlfriend Haku a madwomen!"

"WHAT? I didn't call her anything of the sort!"

"Yes you did! When you came in here you ran into the wall claiming to be startled by a madwoman! Then Haku walked in so it is obvious that you meant her!"

"NO! I meant that madwoman Sakura who is at the moment beating up Deidara and Ino because they blew up her house!!"

"Oh! Well…why is she a madwomen?"

"I just told you!"

"If they blew up her house then she has every right to blow **them** to smithereens!"

Itachi looked at Kisame shocked for a second then said. "Wow…Kisame you just used the word smithereens!"

Anger marks appeared on Kisame's forhead and while he bickered with Itachi; Sasuke point inside the house and jerked his head. Zabuza and Haku wisely took his silent advice and tip-toed into the house.

Zabuza immediately started to verbally attack Sasuke.

"What in the name of all that is holy could posses you and your brother to come here?! I mean Itachi has step foot out of his house in five years. Would you please answer me instead of looking at me like I'm crazy!"

"Are you sure that your not? Anyway, you haven't given me a chance."

"Just answer the question, please."

"hn. Well Itachi just wanted to see Kisame and I am looking for my cousin."

"You have a cousin?"

"Yeah, he's an artist and he's quite deranged too."

"Wait, you don't mean Deidara do you? Because if you do then I hate to break it too you but he's getting his butt kicked by Sakura right about now. Also, you really shouldn't encourage him when it comes to his bombs. They are NOT art. I mean, they're explosions Sasuke!"

"Deidara? How did you get him in your head? I mean do we look alike in anyway?"

"Wait, then who are you talking about?"

"My cousin, Sai, of course. Who else?"

"Who else indeed?" Haku murmured.


	5. Art of Life

Chapter 5 of Twisted Lives

Sai's view of things

Sai was master.

Sai was a lord.

Sai was an artist.

The World's view of things

Sai was a murderer.

Sai was a killer.

Sai was an artist.

Sai's art was amazing. That was the one thing that everyone agreed on. He made his artwork come to life. This was in both a literal and not so literal sense.

His artwork rose from the paper and very often…..killed people.

It was unfortunate but he was unable to control what he painted. Once, he painted himself and when he rose from the paper….the art Sai tried to kill the real Sai.

Luckily, real Sai won.

Sai's mother was named Clara. She was the sister of Sasuke's mother. Sasuke's mother wasn't an Uchiha and so all in all neither was Sai. Clara was dead and so his only current living family would be his two cousins Sasuke and Itachi.

Even thought they were cousins, they had no real blood ties and so when you think about it there was no reason for them to look alike.

In reality….Sasuke looked like his long lost twin.

Now often people described Sai as a tool because he killed and never cared. The truth was that he did care.

Sai was as emotional as you get.

He was also deluded into believing that he was the son of some lord.

He cried for weeks whenever his art killed someone. You would think that this would get him to stop painting but whenever he thought of never being able to draw again………….

He would burst into tears and become a sobbing wreck. Then he would start proclaiming that the world was so cruel and that he being a lord should not have to deal with this.

Now Sai had a crisis that needed to be attended to immediately. He was out of

….Ink.

The precious black liquid was his life. Without it he felt drained. As if someone had sucked out his blood and spilt it everywhere.

He was going to the shop looking very distressed and people stay away. This was because when Sai was distressed his started to work on art. Then his art would come alive and kill someone.

He went into Michaels and started to look for ink. In his rush he knocked down a small garden gnome.

The gnome fell off the shelf onto a board that was sticking about halfway off the shelf.

This caused the see-saw effect in which the board knocked down the shelf.

This caused a domino effect.

Shelf after shelf after shelf fell.

Sai was buried.

Along with the unlucky store keeper.

Sai took this as the right moment to let his emotions out.

And so…..

He proceeded to burst into tears.

* * *

Sasuke was in the small town of Argos. He was with Zabuza who had been ordered by Kisame to come and help him. Zabuza was not happy with this in the least and neither was Sasuke.

Zabuza had just taken so long to say goodbye to Haku and had wasted much of Sasuke's time. Also, all the noise and tears the two lovers had proceeded to make had made him nauseous.

In hopes of finding Sai, Sasuke had gone to check the town art store. When he heard the tearful bawling and loud proclaimations he sighed and turned to Zabuza.

"He's here…"

While Zabuza had proceeded with asking what the hell he meant Sasuke attempted to enter the shop.

This had just become impossible because all the shelves were aligned so nicely and when the first shelf had fallen, all the shelves had fallen leaving one result.

The door was blocked.

Sasuke wondered if he should just burn the building and be done with it.

Killing Sai….that is.


	6. Running with Music

Chapter 6 of Twisted Lives

"Please dad! We have to go and see Shino sing! He's just plain awesome and if he really is in the village then you wouldn't deny us this one in a lifetime chance!"

"Yeah! You wouldn't deny us this life altering heart-touching event that could change our lives!"

"Pretty please with sugar on top!"

"Gaara. Naruto. For the last time you are not going to see Shino's rock concert! Why don't you go see Tayuya's band perform instead."

"Dad! That's classical music! Yuck!"

"Yeah! I get sick just thinking about it!"

"For the last time, No!"

Temari sighed. She had been hearing this same conversation for the past week and her father had been considerate about it for about 72 hours of asking, then he snapped. Now he was not nearly as gracious about it.

The rock star Shino was coming all the way to Sunagakure to perform and the twins had decided that they would see him perform if it was the last thing they did.

She wanted to bash their head in the wall for causing so much trouble. Minato was trying to punish them so they would learn that blowing up buildings is bad. Also, Minato still hadn't figured out where they got the money to hire someone and who exactly they hired.

**I think I know.**

Temari stiffened.

_Well, who? She asked._

**If I told you it wouldn't be any fun.**

_I should curse you into oblivion. Temari said sourly._

**Good luck with that.**

"Well we're going whether you like it or not!"

And with that, the twins jumped out the window.

Minato just walked towards the window and shouted after them.

"Why must you break the window every time you leave?!"

"Should I bring them back?" Temari asked.

"No…instead, if they come back their sleeping outside."

Temari snickered and jumped out the already broken window. She opened her fan and flew back to her house wondering what it was like to have to sleep outside after spending the whole night at a rock concert.

Well…they deserved it and it could have been worse. I mean….they should be grateful.

* * *

Gaara looked at Naruto and spoke.

"I don't think their following us."

"I'd say that counts as permission."

"I suppose."

The two looked at each other.

"Hey Gaara, do you even know where the concert is?"

"Dobe, of course."

Naruto sighed with relief.

"Twin, I wonder what would happen if I just left you here."

Naruto smiled. "You'd never be able to outrun me."

"Maybe so, but anyways it doesn't matter."

"Why's that?"

"I need you to help me getting some backstage passes."

"I **love **being a V.I.P."

* * *

Now after the lengthy bit of sneaking in and meeting Shino in person, despite the fact that Minato had told security that if they saw the twins to throw them in a holding cell. The twins were exhilarated and got a great workout running from the guards and dancing (Which they were actually quite good at.) to the music.

The concert was over and they actually got to talk to Shino (Who was quite friendly). Apparently Shino was planning an escape from his father Kakashi and needed a little help. He promised to tell them the details later.

The twins were delighted and knew that their own father was already going to kill them for running off to the concert so this sounded like fun. I mean…running away might get them some sympathy. (Yeah right.)

So, the three decided to go on a perilous quest to the village hidden in the rain.

What fun.

* * *

Reviewers get a cookie if they can guess who I focus on next chapter. Also they guess right I'll do a chapter on any character they want. ;D


	7. Killing Candy Loving Frogs

Chapter 7 of Twisted Lives

"Sakura is as strong as a bull un."

"Well you did blow up her house."

"Sister, you didn't even help me when she beat me up un."

"Your part of the Akatsuki! You can handle her!"

"Apparently not un."

Ino sighed.

"Alright. Alright. I'm sorry Dei-dei."

Ino looked at her poor beat up brother. Looks like coming to Sakura's place wasn't the best idea. They needed a place to stay, but where?

Deidara and her walked to the Bombilicious Inn. They knew that they couldn't live in an inn forever but there was no way that they were going back to Iwa.

"Dei, do you think we could just live in the Akatsuki headquarters?"

"No sis, Leader banned me from ever coming back after I blew up the whole east wing un."

"Why must you blow everything up?"

"Habit. Entertainment. There are plenty of reasons un."

"Kisame lives here too. Right? We could ask him to help us."

"I guess but, Zabuza is Kisame's son so won't he have told him at the incident at Kazuku and Sakura's house un?"

"Drat."

Orochimaru lived in a swamp that was located in Konoha. It was far away from the leaf village itself and was right by the Suna border.

He lived there with his wife Jiraiya.

His son had left the swamp long ago to become a snake charmer. His son's name was Kabuto and he was engaged to a girl named Anko, who worked in a candy shop.

Needless to say, Anko had Orochimaru's full approval. This was probably because he absolutely loved candy.

Snickers, Kit Kat, Recess, Milky Way, 3 Musketeers, Pay Day, Take 5, M&M, Skittles, Lollipops, Dango, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Rolos, Almond Joys, Hershey's, Swedish fish, jolly ranchers, laffy taffies, twizlers, caramel apples, popcorn, fudge, chocolate, cream, and caramel eggs, Doritos, Fritos, Sun Chips, Smartfood, Cheetohs, Ruffles, Barbeque Chips, and many, many, many more.

All of the candy in the world was to be his.

Starting with the chocolate bar right in front of him.

His mouth was watering and he was about to take a bit of the luscious, delectable, yummy, appetizing, succulent, delicious, lip smacking, mouth-watering, enticing, tempting, chocolate but then….

BOOM!

"Lord Orochimaru!" a frog screamed.

"WHAT?!!!" Orochimaru screamed back. His eyes were on the chocolate and it would not do to be distracted now.

"thecandystashjustexploded." The frog whispered.

Orochimaru froze. "What was that?" he asked calmly.

"the candy stash just exploded." The frog said a little louder and clearer.

Orochimaru went red in the face and looked like he was about to explode. His veins were showing and all in all he looked like a very menacing "Lord of the Frogs".

"SAY THAT ONE MORE TIME!" Orochimaru shouted. He looked like he was going to behead the frog on the spot.

"STOP BULLYING ME AND DON"T KILL THE MESSANGER! IT"S NOT MY FAULT THE CHOCOLATE PIE GOT TOO HOT AND EXPLODED IN THE OVEN CAUSING YOUR CANDY STASH TO BLOW UP!!!

Orochimaru looked like an avenging frog.

The poor frog fainted on the spot.

A massacre of frogs took place and it to this day is known as the dreadful day of the………..

"Candy Massacre"

On this day all frogs burn one piece of candy and since it's a federal holiday there is no school, work, mail, and nothing is open.

The date of the Massacre is December 10.

May the frogs live and peace and may everyone who is reading this take a moment of silence.

………….

Next day, we eat as much candy as is humanly possible.

* * *

Cookie for you Felix!


	8. Flaming Chicken

Chapter 8 of Twisted Lives

"Chicken!"

"I'm not a chicken!"

"Yeah you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"No….your not."

"Yes I am!"

"CHICKEN!"

Hinata didn't exercise much. This didn't affect her appearance because she didn't eat that much either. The reason she didn't eat that much was not because she was anorexic. She simply did not like the taste of basically all types of food.

That all changed when her father brought home KFC.

Her little sister Hanabi had a large amount of hatred when it came to her cousin Neji. Neji always refused to fight her though because she was young and stood no chance against him. So when she asked him to spar and he refused; she naturally turned to insults. In her eyes Neji refused to fight and so she spoke what she thought.

"Neji you are a chicken."

Now as soon as Hinata heard this you can imagine what happened.

In her mindher cousin was her favorite food. How often did she have such an excuse to insult, chase, and eat Neji

The answer….

None.

This is definitely why she was engaging in this highly enjoyable activity.

Afterwards Hiashi promised never to bring home KFC again.

But…Hinata had her ways….she was crafty in her madness. So the question is how in the world did Hiashi think that he was going to be able to keep her from her beloved chicken?

He couldn't.

Hinata was heir and princess and eventually would take her father's place as ruler of Konoha. No one would ever question her again. No one would look at her and treat her like a child. No one….**absolutely** **no one** would **ever** keep her from life's new meaning **KFC**and **Chicken!**

She loved being rich and all powerful.

* * *

Sasuke may have not been patient but he certainly wasn't going to burn down the building.

What if….Zabuza thought that he was a heartless murderer?

Also….what if he messed up his hair doing it?

I mean….what would the neighbors say?

He sighed and wondered what he should do about Sai? He wanted to kill him but…

"Sheesh, there's consequences for every action."

Now at this point Zabuza was watching him and wondering if Sasuke had finally lost it. Sprouting random pieces of knowledge was something only his father did.

Sasuke came to a decision.

He lit a match and threw it into the collapsed building. He didn't want to bring attention to himself and a fire jutsu was out of the question.

The wood inside caught fire.

Zabuza had been looking around for any civilians that might have decided to get in the way and so it is only natural that he didn't notice what Sasuke was doing. So, when he turned to look back at the building.

We…it was on fire. Now we all know that Zabuza was a water specialist and so seeing the fire set something off in him. His father's technique was about to be put to use.

"**Water Style: Water Shark Bomb Jutsu!"**

The tiny fire was snuffed out instantly. Zabuza sighed in relief while the civilians stared.

Sasuke's sharingan was on and ready to be utilized in the killing of Zabuza when the man in the building that was not Sai came bursting out.

He looked at the both and only had three words to say.

"You saved me!"

The civilians immediately crowed around them insisting that they come with them.

And so…while the confused Sasuke and Zabuza were dragged away to a feast of thanks,…..Sai came crawling out of the building.

He clutched his ink bottles and ran back to his home to pack, crying all the way about crazy, art-hating cousins with scary red eyes.


	9. Right?

* * *

Chapter 9 of Twisted Lives

* * *

Shino was having more fun than he'd ever had before.

The twins Gaara and Naruto were hilarious and he enjoyed talking to them.

Now that they had escaped from his father he was able to do whatever he wanted. As he thought about that fact he was stunned into silence.

No more Shino do this… or Shino do that. He was free! During this revelation Naruto and Gaara basked in Shino's happy glow.

The three had arrived at the next town.

The small town of Argos was where a cousin of his father lived. Shino frowned and turned towards the twins.

"In this town up ahead we have to be quiet and not cause to much trouble."

"Why" Gaara asked curiously.

"Because my first cousin once removed is here."

"Why does that matter?" Naruto asked pryingly.

"Because my father pays him big money."

"Oh." The twins nodded understandingly. "Cousins are such a pain."

"Yeah, but my uncles live in the village hidden in the rain and their cool."

"Is that why we're going there?" Naruto questioned.

"Yep, as soon as we get past dad's idiot of a cousin Sai then we're home free!"

"Yeah!"

The three boys smiled. They could take care of themselves.

Right?

* * *

Somewhere in the land of fire Sai sneezed.

Oh how he hated Konoha. As soon as he got there his allergies had gone tenfold and turned him into a sneezing wreck.

Stupid cousin Sasuke was always ruining his life.

Now if only Kakashi would get back from that trip to Suna.

But until then.

Sai could take care of himself.

Right?

* * *

Temari cursed again.

Where could they have gone!

The twins hadn't turned up last night and Minato was blaming himself and practically sobbing and going on about how he should have chased after him himself.

Temari hadn't been worried at first but now that Kakashi had gone to Minato saying that Shino was missing…well…things weren't looking to good.

**Maybe they were kidnapped. **

"By who?"

**The bomber.**

"The one they paid to blow up the insane asylum."

**Maybe they didn't pay him.**

Temari frowned. If they didn't pay the bomber they he would try to get his moneys worth somehow…and maybe he would get his moneys worth by ransoming the kazekage's sons.

**Uh-oh**

"It's gonna be ok. We don't really **need** them right now and they can take care of themselves.

Right?"

* * *

Haku was upset.

More than upset, she was vexed.

She was engaged to Zabuza, but as soon as he runs off to do something important…he left her behind.

Haku wanted to complain, cry, and a whole lot of other things. But since none of those things would help her very much she decided to do what everyone was doing at the moment.

Run off on some great adventure.

She could take care of herself.

Right?

* * *

AN: They've all jinxed themselves. XD

Also, please, please, please, review!


	10. Blond Orphans eating Ice Cream

Chapter 10 of Twisted Lives

* * *

"Uncle Itachi!"

"Shino?" Itachi had just answered the door to find three young boys looking up at him. One of them happened to be his nephew.

Shino grinned "Hey! Can we come in?"

"I guess…wait a sec…where's Kakashi?"

"Oh yeah. I ran away with these two. They're the Kazekage's sons."

"Hey mister Itachi! What up! I'm Naruto!" said the cheerful blond. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle and he smiled at Itachi.

The red-head also smiled but his smile seemed slightly off "Hey, I'm Gaara. Do you have ice cream?"

Itachi looked at the two and wondered what he did to deserve this. "Okay. Shino it's cool that you finally ditched Kakashi. Naruto, it's nice to meet you. Gaara, yes we do have ice cream. What flavor would you like?"

"Told you Uncle Itachi was cool."

"Strawberry please."

They walked inside to the kitchen when Shino spoke again. "Where's uncle Sasuke uncle Itachi."

"…He's off killing your murdering, freak, first cousin once removed."

"Oh. Is that why we didn't run into Sai when we went through Argos?"

Itachi didn't have time to respond because Kisame had just entered the room.

"Itachi why are you giving these kids my ice cream?"

"Because they're starving little orphans."

"Aww….poor children…people these days….wait….Itachi isn't that your nephew."

"Yep."

"I thought you said they were orphans."

"Shino's not eating any ice cream."

"Normally I would say that's a good point and leave you all to whatever you were doing. BUT, in this case I think I am entitled to know why the Kazekage's sons are in my home."

"Busted."

"Shut it Shino."

* * *

"I found you."

"Do I know you un?"

It was a blond show down. Temari, Deidara, and Ino were facing each other. Ino looked bored, Deidara looked curious, and Temari looked pissed.

"If my sources are correct then you're the bomber that my little brothers hired."

"Oh? They were your brothers un?"

"Yes and now I want to know what you've done to them."

"Done to them? The last time I saw them was when they handed over the cash they owed me un.'

"They actually paid you!"

"Yeah un."

"Stop saying 'un'."

"un."

"Stop."

"un"

"Oh just…you know what…fine. So you didn't kidnap my brothers."

"Nope."

"HA! You didn't say 'un'."

"Bye un." And with that Deidara created a bird and jumped on pulling Ino up with him.

"Bye-bye Blondie. My hair is cooler."

**Wind Scythe!**

"My hair is still cooler Blondie!"

"At least I'm not a pig!

* * *

"So your name is Haku?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm Hinata. Do you have any chicken?"


	11. Kami

Twisted Lives Chapter 11

* * *

Somewhere in heaven Kami woke up shuddering.

Kami wondered what would have happened if he had decided to make all of them like that. He shook himself.

"Got to stop eating cake before bed. Look at these nightmares I'm having."

I mean Shino singing was bad enough to give anyone a migraine but Kakashi his father! That dream had major problems.

Orochimaru…him as a candy addict would have actually been an improvement.

Sai and Sasuke related? That may look reasonable but when you put it on paper it was a disaster. Also, Sai crying was pretty pitiful.

Haku a girl and engaged to Zabuza who was Kisame's son. Major issues.

Itachi was alright though. Him being a psychopath never really appealed to me anyway. Him and Sasuke were such good brothers at first.

Dream Hinata and Neji almost made Kami cry. Chicken for crying out loud! Neji I thought you were better than that!

Temari…well at least she handled Shukaku better than Gaara.

Now Gaara and Naruto being twins and Deidara and Ino being siblings was actually plausible.

Minato alive? How exactly did he become the Kazekage?

Tayuya had a classical band?

…

One would think I'd know better.

That was some dream.

Or was it?

* * *

AN: I'm going to put this story as complete unless someone wants me to continue. If someone does then this chapter will just be an Omake.

Also if I do continue then just imagine adding the following to the story:

...

Kankuro is a clown in Kin's circus but secretly writes graphic novels and is an only child.

The Hyuga have taken over the leaf village and have ruled there for over 100 years.

Hinata is the kyubbi container.

Neji never got curse seal and is part of the main branch.

Sasori is the oldest brother of Temari, Gaara, and Naruto.

Kiba's whole clan has been wiped out except for him and he is a vet.

Jiraiya is a girl (fangirl) frog and she is desperately in love with Orochimaru.

Tsunade is the princess in the land of the snow and she is betrothed to Orochimaru.

Tenten is a teacher and Neji is in love with her.

Iruka is Killer Bee's brother and the guitarist in Tayuya band.

Killer Bee is part of Tayuya's band as the vocalist.

Kabuto and Anko are married.

Kabuto is a snake tamer and Anko works at a candy shop.

Ibiki is a computer geek.

Haku is a girl and a hairstylist and lives in the village of the rain.

Shikamaru is engaged to Temari and is Minato's adviser (he lives in Suna)

Konan and Pein are engaged and they run an orphanage.

Hidan is against cursing and is a monk.

Kazuku takes after Robin Hood but he secretly hordes money. He lives in **a **forest.

Zetsu is a herbalist and florist and is two people.

Kin, Zaku and Dosu are part of a circus.

Kimimaru is a witch doctor.

Jirobo is married to Tayuya and is a construction worker

Kidomaru is a cape crusader.

Sakon and Ukon are psychologists.

Konohamaru is grown up and is a dog tamer and Kiba's adopted son.

Choji is a sprinter and the fastest in the village.

Yamoto is an environmentalist.

Shizune is a advisor of Princess Tsunade but is rarely trusted due to her excessive gambling and drinking.

Kurenai is married to Asuma and is an assistant at a Anko's candy shop.

Asuma is a butcher.

* * *

Just imagine the chaos!

(insert evil laugh of your choice here.)

END


End file.
